NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
