Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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