Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
