That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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