im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
