May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
