You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
