dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
