I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
