somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
