they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize