I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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