If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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