Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize