I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
