What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
