and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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