is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
