moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
