You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
