Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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