We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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