Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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