i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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