My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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