All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
