What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
