Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
