Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
