we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
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Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
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