Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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