ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
