you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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