my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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