I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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