Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
