Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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