I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's Friday. Sex?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
be right there i have to get my cape
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
