I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This can only be settled by a dance off.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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