six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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