I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just had sex on a roof
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
