I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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