Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
