Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
