Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
