loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
