ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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