Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
