Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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