i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
