Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
