So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
