the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
