is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
