Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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