i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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