Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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