I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
