I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I lost the right to judge tonight
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's not a walk of shame if you run
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
