Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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