You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
