Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
